A CACTUS IS REALLY JUST AN AGGRESSIVE CUCUMBER

Introduction:

As a cool cucumber can turn into a savaged looking cactus, all of us can indeed turn our calm selves to something ferocious because of anger which at times triggers violent responses. Reactions ranging from rash driving to banging doors to actually getting into a physical altercation and verbal aggression are seen most commonly with people who are apparently aggressive.

Social Psychologists cleave the concept of aggression into emotional and instrumental aggression which is to say that former results from unhappy/negative emotions (carried out in the heat of the moment like slapping in a fit of rage) whereas the latter is intended, a well-planned move (to hurt someone purposely like a bully in school or at work).

Aggression is exhibited in physical aspects – hitting, kicking to non-physical aspects like verbal (yelling), social (bad-mouthing, excluding others), racial (micro aggression), sexual (misogyny, homophobic jokes) that are intended to harm others.

Following Liberal education at IILM University, we teach life skills in out everyday classes in the form of role plays or class discussion to help them accept, understand and manage negative emotions.

But why do we aggress? Is it like a life skill that we all need so that we don’t look meek?

Evolutionary Scientists explain that we have an innate ability to protect as well as seek continual survival of our genes. Human beings need to be able to aggress in certain situations, and nature has provided us with this skill which means that under the right situation, almost all of us will aggress (Buss & Duntley, 2006).

Physiologists’ support evolutionary perspective as it is known to mankind that aggression is controlled by Amygdala i.e. limbic system inside the cortex controlling emotions. This further controls our autonomic nervous system which in stress activates flight-or-fight mechanism.  What science is trying to explain to us is that under stress, we will either fight the stressor or run away from it. Not only this, some imperative chemical substances in our body like serotonin which when found to be at low levels predict aggression (Kruesi, Hibbs, Zahn, & Keysor, 1992; Virkkunen, de Jong, Bartko, & Linnoila, 1989).

Behavioral scientists feel that what we see in our environment is how we condition ourselves to be; so if children see their parents act out aggression by hitting, to them it’s OK to do the same. It’s no rocket science to explain that aggression would harbor aggression and the more we see it, the easier it is for us to repeat it.

It is imperative to say that one’s social situation also makes it critical for a response like aggression. As it is commonly noticed that we may react violently in situations where we are uncomfortable/ fearful or provoked (with friends or subordinates) but may react more calmly in others (in front of an authority).

On hindsight, it is easy to recall that when we were aggressive, we were likely to be experiencing a negative emotion (example- unhappy thoughts, pain or discomfort) that’s why it became so easy to react aggressively. In general, it could be the feeling of being ill or undergoing emotional disturbance that makes one vulnerable to frustration which further provokes violent behaviour.

At IILM University which is considered one of the best private universities for Psychology around Delhi/NCR, we teach critical thinking and communication skills along with other courses where we discuss how anger does not become an issue till you keep ignoring it. Reaching to the core of an internal conflict and addressing concerns is half battle won without inflicting pain to self or others.

 

How to if not stop, control aggression?

The answer to this is Catharsis which is a process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotion. For reducing negative affect and its arousal, if we can actively distract ourselves from that emotion it can help break the cycle of being provoked to react in anger. Catharsis can be any form of meaningful engagement like talking it out, exercising, listening to music and is most useful when done alone.

At undergrad and master’s courses in Psychology at IILM University we teach positive and social psychology and most importantly emotional intelligence. We endeavour to help our students with a thorough understanding of psychology, its components and how aggression is a symptom of repressed issues which through therapy and counselling can be managed.

Conclusion:

Aggression is seen more an emotional than instrumental response needs to be managed by first checking on our feelings. We need to assess what caused this emotion and why? At times aggression is directed at something different than what actually provoked it. When we think carefully about our situation, rather than simply responding in an emotional way, we can carefully choose the most effective responses when we are angry (Berkowitz, 1993).

To conclude, aggression is not a disease we need to fight, lets comes to terms with how normal an aggressed response is; but accept that it cannot be typified into personality. We need to address cause before the management for a long-term goal.

 

FUTURE OF WORK-FROM HOME

Introduction

Most of my employed friends have seen this paradigm shift of working from home at the time when pandemic is hovering on our heads. With this cloud of constant worry and panic, I noticed a silver lining and that has been remote working. As much as thoughts about driving to work in traffic and chores to complete at home, seems like a lost memory; we all know it will take some time for us to go back to that mindless driving routine once the lockdown gets lifted.

Effective Diversion at the time of crisis

So, has this shift from “physically” being at work impacted performance for people? If it is to believed home-based jobs has been an effective diversion from anxious thoughts as well as keeping peace at home. Working from home has created a sense of purpose for the day along with balancing home and work commitments. This fine balance we all have evolved to is our future in 2020. IILM University which is excelling in blended modules for its students, aspires to teach innovatively while using latest web tools so that students keep pace with virtual learning while being at home.

Benefits to the Company

Companies post lockdown would be looking at securing future where cost savings leading to productivity gains and convenience of both employer and employees will be implemented. As expected, this year only we will see many of us having flexible workplace as we have learnt how to manage both aspects of life.

Ease for women to be at work while at home

WFH will encourage more women to join the workforce as the hassles of travelling daily would disappear. “In the US, about 25% of the workforce works out of home,” says Rohit Kapoor, vice-chairman & CEO of EXL Service. “In India, we will move to that kind of level over time. This option will also help women, especially mothers, a lot as it will make it easier for them to join the workforce.”

Is it just positive thinking or are we actually missing “going” to work?

Some say that the absence of meeting colleagues and dressing up for work would be missed and sometimes brainstorming sessions on calls may not work for everyone. People will or already are missing the human touch and at times, work from office becomes a form of diversion from personal problems back at home. No dedicated space at home can also be one major challenge and yes, not all professions can “fit in” this newest modal of working.

Mother Nature says yes to WFH

However to look at the bright side, WFH will help in reducing carbon emissions, will bring in flexible working hours, people will be able to manage time to do things they enjoy and pursue some for which they couldn’t find time and most importantly to be able to slow down the pace of life.

Conclusion

All of us given in the past with hectic routines have now become attentive to our environment, our relations and how much we miss the good times. WFH if taken in a positive way is a step closer to saving our environment, building economy, being creative at work, able to pursue vocational aspirations and most importantly being able to multi-task with ease; it’s that change which will be for the better.

“When you put yourself in an uncomfortable position; is when you grow the most”

Gary Swart CEO oDesk

Before its back to normal-Pause and Reflect

So we get these forwarded messages of how lockdown 2020 is treating us and how long we will be suffering in this self-imposed isolation. Satirical jokes about Husband-wife, working moms and home schooling, work from home and work at home, binge eating as well as pollution levels down to nil to be able to see far far away keeps all of us amused.

And in the evening, when the rush of emails and pending work cools off and we are not expected to be logged on to any more meetings; a silence grows with a hounding question; Is it going to be like this forever? Will work structurally change where employers have realized financial viability of having people work from home and its efficiency? How are we going to cope with so many changes and so soon?

Clear blue skies, constant birds chirping, reduced pollution levels and an acceptance which was missing in the first week of #stayathome makes me realize the importance of slowing it down.  We all are compelled to take life easy while crumbling mental blocks to expect and deliver perfection and find peace looking at a messy home, jumbled up time schedules, eating boring home food and mostly not having a choice to step out.

Life before this lockdown was living a rush life; the experience to be everywhere and experience everything will certainly come back to us very soon. We all are wishing to return back to those experiences with a spirit of determination and hope that everything will be OK one day.

But before leaving our homebound lives and getting back into action, please let’s not forget why we are here. Did we learn something relevant out of this? Are we going to embrace self-isolation or just avoid seeing this quality time with self as a bad phase of 2020?

If we can just take with us where we are coming from to where we are going in the near future and accept that all life forms are important, so respect; we need each other, so empathize and to never take anything for granted- not a day, a person or a thing.

If we can just remember to be grateful to see beauty in finer things in life and be easy on self I think we have learnt our lockdown lesson well.

“Life becomes more meaningful when you realize that you will never get the same moment twice”.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         OURPOSITVE.COM

 

So, where do I go now?-Dilemma post board exams

So we are done with class XIIth exams yet not feel any relief because Corona scare left us cocooned at home. How much we had wished for outings and catching up with friends and now this. Can be frustrating, isn’t it?

Well that is one way to look at the problem. As the pressure of performing in boards surpasses us another mounting pressure lies ahead- board results and choice of course/college which looks like where you will be for the rest of our life. Yes, I’m looking forward to my life of freedom and exploration in college, but wait, I don’t know if I can make right decisions with my life yet.

Yes, I want to be the in the best college, but not with any course just because my friends and family wants me to pursue it. We can empathize with this dilemma, as “we all have been there at least once in our lives”.

As much as it sounds like a repetition from elders, it leaves you with a sense of relief that it is OK to be baffled and unsure if what you plan to take now; is something you want to stay with for the rest of your life.  Also doubts like what if you do not enjoy environment of the college, new friends or the course itself; is there any looking back?

This blog could be helpful for all students irrespective of their streams to get a basic idea as to how to go forward in their next phase and may I say-the most exciting phase i.e., college life. Spend some time with yourself and a notepad and ask,

  • What makes you happy? What is it that you are ready to give 100% of yourself to?
  • Is there a dream that you want to accomplish? How do you picture yourself in that dream? Focus on yourself and craft a path as to how will you reach there. Internet explorer galore- ask, ask, ask and you shall find!

For some students, who have unfortunately not being able to make it to the place they desired, please talk to that little bruised person inside,

  • Ok, so I didn’t make to the place I wanted to, this is not the end.
  • I can still accomplish success in my life. I can be what I want myself to be.
  • What can be my plan B? What else do I like, where I’m committing 100% of myself to?

Mind you this plan is a store house of all successful people; no one is a failure if Plan A does not work out right. You have to give yourself some space and opportunities’ to excel; sometimes circumstances could not be in your favor and nagging will never help.

Take each day as it comes, at least my mantra after being locked down to corona virus is this. Please allow yourself to falter, dust yourself up and keep up with all the chatter in your head with what to do next as this too shall pass away.

Wishing you a happy academic year full of twists and turns, new courses, new life at campus, healthy body and a peaceful mind.

Every life is a dilemma that must be solved by the person living it.

Jo Coudert

Being Optimistic in times of Pandemic- Corona 2020

Being Optimistic in times of Pandemic- Corona 2020

In the year 2000 Dr Toshihiko Maruta of the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, USA, reported that optimists have a longer life span than pessimists. Maruta found that people with a positive outlook on life live on an average 19 percent longer than those who are miserable.

Twenty years back Dr Maruta did not anticipate what the world would be facing and with what intensity. Maybe a scenario where a potentially harmful virus affecting all countries alike and spreading like a pandemic was suited more for a thriller movie than one’s reality today.

People with their routine lives have been warned and coerced to stay at home and worse work from home. World over, barring some professions, everyone has to now get used to this transition in work while carefully balancing work-life balance which everyone knows is a delicate harmony often difficult to achieve.

Uncertainty of events and overload of  information is not letting peace within, so the question is can we be optimistic in time of Pandemic the one that we are going through- CORONA 2020?

I think while going through stream of messages and newspaper articles, we are actually living through a moment in history- something we grew up reading in books and always wondered how people back in those days did it. Their trials, tribulations and finally achieving a little more than success- they became die hard optimistic who later guided others of what life really means.

Optimism is something we are born with like a disposition and something we cultivate over the years with experience and endurance to life.

To be honest it can be very difficult but not impossible to keep your head focused on end goals when there is so much uncertainty and constant restless news that keeps shaking our faith that it will all be fine one day.

With the help of theory on Optimism by Snyder, I could technically help readers to stay aloft this crucial time of despair and keep it going.

  1. Goal– (What we want to happen?) To be safe from Corona Virus
  2. Pathways– (How are we going to get there?) To social distance, keep hygiene at all times, self-isolation for some days as directed by the government knowing it’s in our best interest
  3. Agency– (How much motivation do we have in going after that goal?)
  • Rigorous self-isolation and hygiene to be followed at home, with self and others
  • Thorough planning of keeping work and home life balance which could falter given kids and spouse being at home- look for quick fix solutions and plan your day in advance,
  • Allowing moments of letdown- nothing beats stress like exercise even at home,
  • There is a difference in snacking and mindless binging both in spreading news and eating. Avoid Junk from everywhere, munch on something healthy(apple and a book) once in a while
  • Genuinely look within on doing things you always wanted to do but couldn’t because of lack of time; to start with spending least five minutes in silence (sit in one place and focus on your heartbeat),

It is possible that we won’t get everything right step by step as explained in theory, but even if we reach halfway in that attempt, we bring back some satisfaction of making that honest effort to hold self and significant others steady at times when we needed our selves the most.

Optimism is not only a theoretical construct, it is something we need right now, we need to be more hopeful to return back to that normal life’s madness because we have lost ourselves somewhere there. This Pandemic will change us (hopefully) for better, pause and think how we can transform ourselves when we got to spend the maximum time alone with self.

Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out

John Wooden